Selda Koydemir on Effective Psychotherapy

In her article "Why People Are Losing Trust in Psychotherapy" (03/2025), psychotherapist Selda Koydemir proposes that misconceptions and misguided practices risk undermining the core purpose of psychotherapy: fostering genuine self-understanding and lasting personal growth.

Below are selected excerpts; the full article is linked at the end:

“Many people enter therapy expecting comfort, validation, and emotional soothing. Some hope to be uplifted and reassured, while some therapists—especially those newly trained—fall into the trap of reinforcing this dynamic. They believe their role is to affirm the client’s emotions at all costs, prioritising soothing over deeper exploration."

"Support and validation have their place, but meaningful psychotherapy isn’t about endless reassurance. Effective therapy balances support with challenge. A skilled therapist is genuinely curious about the client’s experiences, mirrors emotions without resorting to empty validation, and guides clients toward deeper understanding.”

“[T]herapy should not reinforce a victim mindset; it should help clients reclaim their agency. As therapists, we must empathise with our clients’ pain and acknowledge real harm, but our ultimate goal is to help them develop the capacity to face challenges and a sense of autonomy. Therapy should be a space for exploring change, not just revisiting suffering. Growth happens through recognising our choices, taking responsibility, and learning how to navigate adversity.”

“[C]omplex psychological problems cannot be addressed with quick fixes or simplistic solutions. Therapy works by intentionally slowing down. Only when we pause can we notice the patterns that drive us. When we rush, we repeat behaviors mindlessly. The space therapy provides—when done well—allows for reflection, self-exploration, and meaningful change."

"Therapy is not just about learning skills or applying strategies. It’s a relationship. People heal and grow within the therapeutic relationship, not through a checklist of interventions. Psychoeducation has value, but it is not psychotherapy. The two are often confused, and in the rush for efficiency, therapy risks being reduced to mere instruction.”

“Therapy should be a space for clients to explore their own beliefs, emotions, and experiences—not a place where they are nudged toward a particular ideological stance. Yet, some therapists allow their personal political, cultural, or moral views to seep into their clinical work, sometimes in ways that are subtly coercive or overtly dismissive."

"A therapist’s role is not to shape a client’s worldview but to help them explore their own thoughts and emotions without judgment. When therapists express political bias, reject clients with differing perspectives, or subtly steer conversations toward their own beliefs, therapy becomes less about the client and more about the therapist’s agenda.”

“The core purpose of psychotherapy isn’t alleviating symptoms—it’s helping clients change something within themselves that contributes to their suffering. Therapy is not just about building “self-esteem” but about identifying the internal barriers that prevent a sense of self-worth. It doesn’t simply aim to “fix” anxiety; rather, it helps uncover and address the underlying patterns, thoughts, and emotional dynamics that make a person experience anxiety. It’s not just about "healing trauma" but about understanding how past experiences continue to shape present behaviours, emotions, and relationships”

“Therapy is not a cure-all, nor is it for everyone. But when done well, it remains one of the most powerful tools for deep self-exploration and meaningful psychological change."

"At the same time, we can't ignore that therapy is veering off course. It was never meant to be a product, a feel-good performance, or an echo chamber for personal beliefs. It was meant to challenge, uncover hidden truths, and restore agency.”

The full article can be found on Substack: https://seldakoydemir.substack.com/p/why-people-lost-trust-in-psychotherapy?utm_medium=ios

Further information about Selda Koydemir, PhD and her practice in London is available at https://www.seldakoydemir.com

Image by Aurelius Wendelken