Jonathan Shedler: Why "Just Talking" Helps

"Words are powerful containers of emotion. The act of putting thoughts and feelings into words transforms them, making them more manageable.

When we put experience into words and share it with another, we bring it into the light of day.

Putting words to experience allows it to be processed differently—integrated with other memories, and with the whole of who we are.

Words also bring our responses increasingly under conscious and voluntary control.

This expands freedom and choice, where previously our responses were automatic or obligatory.

The clarity opens the door to solutions that were previously invisible.

Communicating our pain creates an essential relational connection with another human being—connection around experiences previously carried in isolation and fear.

This activates the emotion-regulating functions of secure attachment. Emotional regulation begins as a process for two. Another person’s accurate recognition of our emotional states gives them form and makes them manageable. These experiences of recognition become the building blocks of our capacity to regulate."

— Jonathan Shedler, PhD, psychologist, author, speaker, researcher and clinical consultant.

The full article is available on Substack

Photo by George Bakos